Love....

How is it that we survive this thing called love? We live to love. It tears us apart, it breaks us down, it kills us. The same love that tears us apart builds us up, gives us strength and supports us in times of need. What a crazy concept! I've had such an interesting year with this concept. Love had grown so strong with me, that when there was none I was at a stand still. Where do I go? What do I do? The road wasn't always the best one I could've taken and I know its my own demons I'll have to face. But when all was said and done, what happened is all because of love. I gained my self back, I learned to love myself and to put me first. I was always so worried about hurting everyone else's heart when in return I neglected my own. I have always trusted my heart without fear, now I know to protect it. I learned that I am a strong person and that I am in charge. What lessons have you been taught this year?

Graduation followed by stress?! How did I make it in this mess...

Did you like how I had the little rhyming system there? It keeps me sane right now, doing goofy things to ease my unraveled stress. I just want to go back to being "me". I feel so lost, like a kid with no toys. I need God, and I know I do but where do I start? how do I change my entire being? Don't bother me with start doing this and "it'll be all fine". I need practical not ideological. I need to go back to being the happy me, the crazy level headed woman I know is dieing to get out.

 I need to be this for Caden. I need real friends, not people who are going to lie right to my face instead of being the person they should be. I'm not talking about family either.It's not about Train either. My family is my rock. I need real people in my life at work, and at home. I need to feel wanted in more than just an "acquaintance" way. So many "friends" have decided to move on and I get it, It's crazy being an hour away and low and behold every time we get a chance to move, something happened to stop us. Allen graduated and I couldn't be more happy for him, but at the same time I'm stressed about him finding a better job like ASAP. I haven't seen my husband for more than maybe 10 days this month and he's NOT in the military.We need our chance to shine. People are getting houses, and we've tried for years! When can our little family catch a break?!

You'll have to pardon my "woe is me" attitude. It's been a bad day and I'm so ready for a little girls night tomorrow with my two best friends (cousins)  to let some stress out. Heaven knows I need it. Thanks for listening...err.. reading ;-) next time I promise it won't be this gross....

I'll leave you with a photo of Train and myself. he graduated with Honors, Highest Honors and National Technical School Honor Society

Bonding time with Caden.

There are quite a few things that don't make me cry these days, especially when it comes to my baby boy. Today was a day like the rest of the school days so far, just a special day waking up the little man and readying him for the day. He gets dressed, while I make breakfast and ready his "pack bag". He eats and makes his lunch for the day. (I don't make him, he wants to. He enjoys picking it out and packing it) I really wish this time was longer! As we walked to school, he decided to tell me he has a "belly ache". I assumed the usual, just wants to sleep;-) Alas, his response made me laugh though. He wanted to play hookie so he could "just play with my Lego's". How precious is that?! He always asks for snuggles with Mom before work, so now that its school days, I'm missing out!

  Our walks are always amazing, but never long enough. I love hearing about his dream that night and what he'll do at school on our daily walks to school.  My favorite part of the day! He talks to me about what I'll do while he's at school, will I clean, will I do laundry, will I be playing with toys while he's gone? He is such a joy to my life. I love that even though it seems like my day is too short, time stands still on our way to school and on our way home. I wish I could freeze these little moments and have them always.

I love that on our way to school we talk about everything. We discuss his toys, my work, we even sneak in some learning! We'll talk about colors, shapes, sizes, numbers and everything he wants. On our way home, no matter if I'm in a hurry, or have more than enough time, its is magical. He will talk about his class that day. Its amazing what he learns in such a short period. He's learned to write his name, as well as a few other things and LOVES to share them. His favorite so far has to be reading me his daily books they make. I couldn't tell you enough how wonderful it is he LOVES to read.  He is my blessing. I've learned that we're not just talking about his day, or mine. It's a bonding time with him. Joining a bond, I almost never got a chance to have. I've learned from the past years that each day is a blessing with this little man. I love him so much. My life would have no meaning without him. I was always so afraid we wouldn't bond after missing his first 5 days of life, but this has reassured me that I am a huge part of his day. How do you bond with your babies?!

Our daily walk to school.

One proud wifey.

The journey has been long and not always easy, but it was worth it. Today has been an emotional rollercoaster. Train has been working so much, I felt like a single mom this month. He is trying to provide fo rus I know, but that doesn't make it any easier on us. I realize if I was at home I'd be insane. Thankfully I do work outside of the home. I fully give those moms credit where it is due, I'm not sane enough to handle it.


Anywho, things are starting to look up tonight and I'm hoping they continue to do so. Train came home early from his last Thursday class and had exciting news. His final paper that we worked so hard on went great! He also got inducted into the National Honor Society for Techincal schools! How cool is that?! I am so proud of that man. he has made it work, all while working 3 different jobs.

He even made the Deans' List 6 out of 8 quarters! I love him, and even though we don't always get along there is always love. Our families have given not just him, but me the support we needed to keep us afloat on this wild and crazy journey! I can't wait to see where this next chapter leads us. OH!!! I almost forgot a little insight ;-) I have an interview tomorrow!

As for now, I must get our little man off to la-la land where he can sleep peacefully tonight knowing Daddy is home. I'm headed that way shortly with the hubby and Chip ( the lab).Sweet Dreams, and as always,

LOADS OF LOVE!!!
Train's Wife and CJ's Mom.

Things you didn't know.... and now know about this gal! :-)

1. I like pickles way too much. I could eat them every meal. But only dill pickles.

2. People who make noises when they chew like cows need to be sent to eat somewhere away from me. You will notice I'm annoyed by my facial expressions! I will just stare at you.

3. I despise all things that are considered "emo". Get a life losers.

4. I think that people who think they are skinny and aren't and fat hangs out their clothes looks rediculous. They should learn to buy the right size and FAST.

5. Although I am like a fish, I am afraid to look down in murky water. I CANNOT stand the fact that I can't see what's below me.

6. I like the smell of gasoline.

7. People with mullets make me want to scream " You might be a redneck" but at the same time, I cannot take my eyes off them.

8. I randomly shake my butt at any slight music.

9. I like to day dream ALOT. Like I have whole soap operas in my dreams.

10. I am deathly afraid of DARK CLOSETS.

11. I am afraid of complete darkness, yet I sleep with no lights on.

12. I love a scalding hot shower.

13. I wish I was a witch with powers like the Charmed Ones.

14. I wish I had the strength to go to church everyday.

15. I want another baby, although having the fear of having a c-section scares the SH*T out of me.

16. I totally stole the car from my cousin Allana on more than one occassion. We thought were bad-asses.

17. I am jealous over perfectly normal births and hate when people brag about it. It makes me furious to watch Baby Stories, when during the whole maternity leave I would watch it regliously.

18. I have seen the white light....

19. I randomly see ghosts after a stress filled week or day. Usually they are loved ones passed away.

20. I wish I had more true friends.

21. I don't watch scary movies although I am obsessed with any JAWS movie.

22. I wish I was a twin.

23. I wish upon stars often.

24. At one point I was obsesed with saying Amen ( pronounced AH-men, the would say (AY-Men) shortly after.

25. I am slightly O.C.D. I count numbers, shapes and lines, they may never end in an odd number or I will recount again and again.

We came...we saw.... we conquered the first day of Kindergarten!

Well the first day has come and gone. I only cried a little bit as Mom and I left him in his classroom. I couldn't get through my day fast enough. I wanted him to be home so much yet I was excited to have him learning in a real setting and be making friends. It will benefit him more than waiting until he's 6. I cannot believe how grown up he is. he is no longer my little baby, but not my little man. He is such a big talker and so incredibly smart. He just couldn't wait until he got home to tell me about his day. They had music class today and he had chicken nuggets for lunch. He was so excited that he got to meet new kids and have people more his age. Now we're sitting here in the living room of our "lellow" house watchign t.v. getting ready to head to bed. Train has gone to work, and won't be home tonight :-( I have to go back to China-Wally tomorrow and decorate the cakes... I just wish I could move to D town already. I would be sitting with my nephew Carter by now. he's almost 4 months and he's filling out sooo much. He's such a chunky monkey now! Well ta-ta for now! Love Ya!

Caden's Mommy :-)

Cannot believe he is 5! here are some pictures to get you through the years!

Welcome home baby Caden

His first smile!

mean mugging at 13 months

18 months

2 years old... covered in ketchup!

3 years old

2 years old

4 years old

School time = Mommys gone crazy!

Where do I start? Uh.... Caden starts kindergarten tomorrow! I'm sure I'll be a mess, let me warn you. He's our little man and Mommy's buddy. I'm NOT looking forward to spending my days alone with Chip ( The Chocolate Lab). What will I do by myself? Even though I hate to admit it, I'm looking forward to him telling me about his school day;-) He's my big boy now! Now is alone time with myself. Maybe I'll finish a book or two;-) I'll keep you updated after tomorrow!